When we graduated from college and made the trek across the country to settle on the East Coast, we left all of my extended family back in the West. I loved growing up with my grandparents and aunts and uncles and dozens and dozens of cousins. Holiday meals together, vacations in Tahoe together, and plenty of shared memories. We lived close enough but not too close. It was a perfect childhood (mostly).
But when CandyMan and I dragged our then-tiny family of three to the East Coast, we left all of that behind. For many years, my kids lived without cousins and aunts and uncles nearby…until my sister moved to the DC area several years ago. We were nearby…but not too close. It was perfect (for me and my sister and for our kids). My kids finally had the chance to develop close cousin relationships, and they loved having them around.
While my sister now loves a little further away, we’re still close enough for Spring Break and holiday get togethers, and my kids and I crave the time we get to spend together. But during normal months, we’re just a little too far away for spontaneous get togethers, and after the winter months, we realized it had been way too long.
Here are a few reasons I wish I loved closer to family:
1- Aunts and uncles are perfect mentors and confidants. I’ve seen my older kids open up to my sister about things they might not want to talk about with me (particularly boy and girl issues).
2- Cousins are a perfect extension of the sibling relationship. They love each other like family, but they don’t see each other so much that they get sick of each other.
3- When family lives nearby, you have a perfect low-cost staycation at your finger tips.
4- Holidays are so much better with extended family and a full table.
5- My own sibling relationships are so much better now that we are all adults….but I only see my other siblings once a year at best. My relationship with my sister Andrea has grown since we’ve gotten to know each other as adults.
6- Automatic babysitting network. I would have loved having my sister close by when my kids were little. Now, though, I send my older girls to her house for a few weeks during the summer to be mommy’s helpers. Kids and aunt and cousins love it equally.
7- This is very me-specific, but my sister Andrea and I dream about the day when we could live close enough where we could open up a photography studio together. I love that we share a mutual hobby and interests.
8- Opportunities to take off my “Mommy hat.” Especially when my kids were younger and under foot, I felt like I never had a true “day off” (or even an afternoon off) until I went to Grandma’s house. Just being near my family makes me feel a little more relaxed and a little less pressured to be “on” all the time.
9- It’s easy to lose track of what’s going on when you’re scattered. As easy as it may be to communicate nowadays, it’s still tough for me to really stay involved in my family’s lives when I am across the country from them (and on a different time zone).
10- Never having to travel for holidays. I know I mentioned holidays earlier. This is different. I love spending holidays with family, but I admit that traveling during the holidays is less than ideal. Knock out the travel factor and it’s perfect.
Do you live near family? What are the benefits and disadvantages of your situation?
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Oh I really miss living close to my family! I am the only one to have moved away and I miss being there for all the celebrations small and big.
I totally agree with you. Growing up near my extended family makes the world of difference for children and adults. The bonds are so much closer than friends. I’m sad that my daughters have never had this experience.
I think much depends on the family. I live close enough to the house I grew up in it’s on my running route. When My mom was alive it was amazing. I also love the fact my kids are growing up with their cousins. But sometimes I’d chuck that all to be as removed from the In-law drama as possible.
I have mixed feelings about living close to family. We have some family members that are too involved and some that don’t have any interested in being involved at all. Both come with their own set of issues. I love having built in babysitters, especially since I’m picky about who I leave my kids with, I think finding a balance between living close by and living too close is key.
We too made the move to DC after we graduated college and got married. And then 5 years later, we moved away from DC so that we could be close to family. (so close in fact that we live next door to my parents). I loved our time there and it was great when we were single but it was a lot harder once we had kids. When my daughter was a baby, we flew more than a dozen times mostly to go see family. So when my husband got a job that allowed him to work from anywhere, we took that opportunity to return to TN. There are times I miss it there, but I’m extremely happy we made the move.
Your family? Crazy? I can’t picture it. ;) Thanks for the compliment on the pictures! I was looking thru my pics from Spring Break and couldn’t believe that I had not used those sweet shots of my kids playing with their little cousin yet. I needed to do something just to use the photos! lol
Yes, it really makes a difference when you have kids, doesn’t it? I grew up with a huge extended family that got together for all the holidays and vacations. It’s sad not to have that for my kids.
I couldn’t agree more. When I left my family in Michigan to move to South Carolina, I didn’t realize what sort of effect the move would have on me. Now that I have a son (Colin is 15 months old now), I really miss having them around. I have a big extended family, and it’s been difficult not to see my family often.
I don’t know what is sweeter – the post or the pictures!! OMG! I do have the privelige of living close to family. I prefer Josh’s family to my own, I’ll be honest. They are much more dependable (and less crazy)