This past week (was it really only a few days longer than a week?!) was the best vacation I’ve had in a long time. Today was the first time in who knows how long since I’ve been sad to see my kids start back to school. Typically, I am eager for all of us to get back on a routine and to get the kids out of my hair so that I can concentrate on work again.
Seven people in a small townhouse tends to get a little crowded, and 5 kids vying for Mom’s attention is not conducive to productive work time.
This break, however, has been different. Instead of feeling crowded in our little space (including 33 hours in our van driving back and forth from Florida) we have enjoyed each other. We’ve played games. We’ve read books. We’ve snuggled under cozy blankets on the couch together.
My focus this year is to achieve balance. As I neared the end of 2011, I found myself in a constant state of anxiety. I felt guilty for spending so much time working, and not enough time simply enjoying my kids. Most nights, I would throw something easy together for dinner, but never enjoyed the act of cooking or eating dinner. It was a chore. My house had become completely out of hand because I never took the time to keep up with the cleaning (because I was always busy working). My kids were watching more and more Netflix to keep them occupied while I was on the computer. I wasted most of my time during the school day because I was exhausted after getting only 4 or 5 hours of sleep each night.
It was a horrible cycle. And I was harboring guilt about all of it.
During the Winter break, I decided to focus my attention on my family and spend time each day doing something relaxing and enjoyable. I got 8 hours of sleep every night. I read books, played games, cooked dinner. I found myself drinking less Coke Zero and eating fewer snacks. I didn’t wake up with constant anxiety. My mind was clearer and I was clearly happier.
I rediscovered my Mommy Mojo. I remembered what I love about being a mom and I was reminded of how much I love to cook good food. I was more patient with my kids, and they in turn were more open and affectionate with me.
But at the same time, I seem to have lost some of my writing mojo. I have stared and stared at my computer screen all morning not knowing where to start. I find myself out of ideas.
I am hopeful that it doesn’t have to be one or the other. I know that it’s always an adjustment to get back into the swing of things after a vacation. I just hope that it’s possible to find my blogging mojo again without losing my Mommy mojo.
Balance.
It’s possible, right?
Please share your secrets to finding balance in your own life. Apparently, I need some direction!
PS – I’m sharing my awesome with Momma Made It Look Easy. Check out other blogger’s favorite posts of the week.
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I don’t have kids so can’t imagine how hard finding balance under that sort of chaos would be. But for myself, I’m always trying to become more efficient in what I do with my work so that I’m left with more time to do anything non-work related.
I don’t always succeed, but if I keep making small improvements, over time they’ll hopefully add up to a lot more hours of down time each week.
I’m gonna have to go back and read the comments and see if someone left the secret because I need it too! ;) Balance is just hard when we are juggling so many things, I know.
And I enjoyed the holiday time off the most so far this year myself. I actually like being with my kids. Funny thing, huh?
Happy New Year!!
Oh gosh I get this. I stayed home with my kids over the holidays and it was so nice to just take a break and be with them. But then I realized it was time to go back to work and I actually felt more energized and focused than I have in a long time. It was nice to have that break, but it is nice to be back too. Just give yourself a few days. Open up that gorgeous mind of yours and let the ideas start flowing back. I bet you find it soon.
I think you’re right. I know that anytime I feel like “all is right in my world” something happens to disrupt that. I suppose that’s part of LIFE – the learning and growing part. :)
I was in THAT rut several years ago. I know exactly how it feels. I must say, as hard as it has been to transition from a dedicated stay at home mom for so many years to a work at home mom, I LOVE that I regularly do things to stretch my brain and creativity as well as things that make me feel good about myself.
You know how I feel about the Balance subject already! :D That picture of the beach makes me want to head straight to the beach right now. I always seem to feel in balance when I’m at the beach even when I’m ignoring everything else. LOL!
Angela, It’s s true. I didn’t have a job of any kind when the kids were younger. I didn’t even do photography back then because I wanted to be 100% dedicated to them. I started working gradually once I only had my youngest son at home, and then more once he started school full time. But the fact is, even though my kids are in school several hours a day, I still have many mommy duties AND I miss having the down-on-the-floor moments with them. Being Mom is still my #1 job, and I should treat it that way. :)
I believe most of us as parents struggle with balance. I sure do. Just when I think I’ve found it, unexpected events happen. Being balanced should also imply that something will throw us off kilter and we will have the ability to heave up the weights again. This means, of course, that as we are getting one aspect of our lives back in order, another aspect gets less of our weight…and that’s OK! It shouldn’t mean we have to be everything every day. You had a great holiday break getting our mom mojo back (so did I). When you get your writing mojo back (which I think you are), plan those after-school hours as strictly mommy time. I sometimes struggle with resisting checking e-mails and posts whenever I have a second…but all that can wait. I try to remember that even if my posts grow old, they will never grow up and out of the house. I believe that balance means that all aspects of our lives get the attention they need and that’s not always equal amounts. Have a happy new year!
I am right there with you! I had a series of challenges in 2011 that made it clear to me that I was lacking balance. I have focused so much on my kids and their needs, homebuying, and trying to keep up with my husband’s needs and schedule that my health and passions have gone totally neglected! I am trying to pull out of the “rut” now! I do think balance it possible. Still, I think that balance is also relative.
I think things come in seasons. This is a season to touch base with your motherhood – your familyness. To just be. There will always be a season for the doing. And that’s ok. Build up your mommy-equity now so when you have a big project later you’ll have some leeway built in.
And keep a steno pad handy! You never know when inspiration will strike!
Allow the inspiration and idea to come WIHTOUT the pressure to do something with that spark immediately. Jot it down and tuck it away knowing when you have time and energy later you can come back to it.
After all – not every seed has to be planted immediately.
Yes! I’ll check up on you every week or so. :) That’s how it is for me as well. It seems to be one or the other, but I want BOTH! I will settle for my house mostly clean….and I can certainly spend less time blogging (other work, not so much)….but my kids? Gotta love on them every day. I need to remember that they are my priority, not work.
Good luck (to both of us) drawing those lines and maintaining the balance!
I have nothing for ya. I struggle daily with finding balance. I have days where my house is so clean, my energy high and my kids and I all laugh together. But on those days my blog is vacant. Then I focus on work and my house gets sticky and my kids scream. I try to find balance but then I get like 1/2 a blog post written my kids house is kinda clean and my kids mostly happy.
This year I am going to keep working at finding that balance too. Let’s try this together :)
What great advise. I can completely relate. I am trying to be more in the moment with my family and draw some lines between work and family time this year.
I’m so glad to hear that I’m not alone in these feelings. :) I wish both of us luck in finding that balance. I think we’ll be able to figure it out, too.
This post struck a chord with me because I’m going through the same thing. This was the first time I’ve truly enjoyed my kids during winter break. I hardly got on my computer, updated my blog maybe two times and that was it…stayed of FB for the most part. And it was so nice to just be present with my kids and enjoying time with them.
Having a hard time finding my mojo too but it looks like the advice you’ve gotten so far is really good! It’s hard to balance it all but somehow I have a feeling we’ll both figure it out.
Thanks so much for sharing your post, Andrea! I agree that it takes some time after a break to find and rekindle the desire to get back to work. And I will keep the REGULAR rest in mind so that I don’t end 2012 in another near-break down state. :)
Blanca, Thank you so much for leaving this comment. It really does mean so much to me! Sometimes I wonder how my kids will remember these years. I wonder if they will forget the years that I was home with them and only them….or if they will only remember the busy, working mom. When I stop to really think about it, though, I can acknowledge that my kids and I have good relationships. They know that I love them and we have good communication. Plus, the kids (and even husband) now see what I do and recognize the work that I am doing for them and think that my job is “cool.” I love when I hear that one of them has been bragging to their friends about the latest event or cool thing I got to do through my online endeavors. :)
I like that thought – being intentional is key. Thank you for the advice. I will take it to heart!
I just revisited a post I wrote on living in balance last year. I think I went through something similar over the holiday because we were totally unplugged in the mountains and I found that it took DAYS to even want to open up my laptop. Now I feel rested and ready to get to work, but I think the key is building intentional rest times into each season, not just all lumped up at the end of the year. Good luck!
https://lilkidthings.com/too-tired-to-be-a-mom-is-living-in-balance-a-myth/
Hi Laura,
It has been ages since we have had any contact, but your post really touched me, because that used to be (and to a certain extent still is) my life. Only now the kids are (almost – I have one left) gone and I am the queen of my time.
I used to run around like a headless chicken and the story was the same as yours, fast meals, driving kids back and from school and their jobs, lugging the little ones around to all my errands while the older ones were in school. I am not sure how I got it all done, but in the end the time I spent with them was more precious to me because there wasn’t that much of it.
At one point I was holding three part time jobs! I would work on one in the morning, then pick up the kids and drive to the other one with all the ones that wanted to come along. If it was summer, there was a pool available to them. Ideal job, I guess. When I got home I had to get on the phone for the other job and spend about one to two hours isolated in my office. We lived in a townhouse with six kids.
What I would like to convey to you is that, in the end, the kids still remember me being there for them when they needed me. Even though they disagree on how much time I had for them (some were more needy than others and it was never enough), they were still able to share with me their experiences and disappointments. I wish I had had more time to spend with them, but there just wasn’t another way at the time.
Things I did with them were, for example: I read them the scriptures once they were all in bed. I sat on the floor in the hallway and read to them. Once the scriptures were read, we read a chapter from another kind of book. When they were watching movies or TV, I took small breaks and sat down with them and we enjoyed them together for a short time before I went back to work. If I went shopping, I would take one with me, we’d talk while we did the shopping and they got a little thing at the end. They took turns and everybody looked forward to those little outings with mom.
Funny thing is that now that I have only one 17 year old at home, who doesn’t care about going to the store with me, I miss those moments.
I hope you find your balance, I always have a hard time going back to work after a few days off, even now. You’ll get back into it.
Lolli,
I think just being aware of your desire for that balance, after having seeing how much you enjoyed spending time being mom, is important. Yes, you want and need to work, but you also want to be a good mom. It comes down to making decisions, sometimes hard ones. It means being more intentional, in your work time and in your mom time. When you’ve got time to work, buckle down and work hard. When your kids need your attention, step away from work, knowing that you have been diligent at it.
True balance may not be possible, evenly between work and mom, but being the best you can be, based on what is important to you is what counts!
Bernice
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