Helicopter your kids all you want, but please don’t hover over mine
Helicopter parenting image from https://cyanidexroses.wordpress.com/
Krystyn from Really, Are You Serious is our guest poster today, talking about Helicopter parenting, for those people who can’t get enough of parenting their own children and decide to parent strangers’ kids, too.
Parents take on many different approaches to their parenting style. I get that. We are all different and our kids are all different. One thing I am not, is a helicopter parent. I like my kids to be out, not attached to me and to learn new things. I, of course, keep a protective eye on them and don’t intentionally let them into harms way. Kids need to learn; by doing and by experience.
Recently, we’ve been experiencing helicopter parents that hover over their own kids and other people’s kids. Not only do they hover over their own children, preventing them from learning and experiencing, but they hover over your (meaning not their own) kids. Yes, they actually will interfere with your parenting style and your kids actions. And, they will do it, right in front of you. They basically stand in front of you, give you a look that says “you aren’t doing it right” and then they swoop in and “rescue” your child.
Our youngest daughter (18 months) loves the play area at our local Chick-fil-a. When her dinner is over, we let her walk over to it (while watching her) and go on into the area. She even likes to open the door. We’ve checked the door; it has a handle that is kid height, it doesn’t close all the way (so no fingers can get stuck) and the bottom of the door is higher up off the ground (so it can’t catch any toes). It’s perfect for our little munchkin to practice opening and closing and even proper door etiquette.
And, it never fails, a helicopter parent hovers in. They walk over to the door, almost exasperated that somebody would let their child attempt to open the door, and open it for her. The worst part is they give us a dirty look when they do it; a look that says “hey, you need to watch your kid and pay attention.” It’s very judgmental and wrong. They have no idea that we know what is good for our child. They are assuming the worst. At one point, my husband (who I like to call Mr. Serious, not because he’s serious, just because Mr. Really, Are You Serious? is too long), said quite loudly “She’s got it, she’s fine, leave her alone.” That’s when I know the helicoptering has reached a whole new level.
While I’m not a helicopter and neither is my husband, if that’s your thing, I promise not to judge you or think of you poorly. However, I’d appreciate the same respect when not helicopter parenting my kids. And, certainly, please don’t helicopter children that aren’t your own.
Do you ever see yourself exhibiting “symptoms” of a helicopter parent?
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I am far too busy keeping an eye on my kid than to helicopter over someone else’s child. My husband tends to hover over our son more than I do. I want my little guy to explore and to challenge himself. It is hard because he is our only, so I try not to baby him too much. Everyone parents differently unless I think someone’s child is going to hurt themselves badly or hurt someone else I won’t step in.
.-= Joanne @ Barely Domestic Mama´s last blog ..Pardon the quiet while I clean up around here… =-.
Great topic, I think we are a bit of a mix. We don’t exactly hover, but we also give them sufficient limits to make sure they are safe. My brother in law is a helicopter parent, not to his children who run wild but he try to hover over my little ones. It drives me CRAZY. Children need to learn to explore, they need to learn independence and self reliance. Ugh, he drives me nuts.
.-= Ruth´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday. =-.
Maybe you are right. I guess I think of safety in those terms a little differently. Like, if she’s going to slam her finger in the door and require stitches, I want to check first?
I guess it’s the interference that bothers me more!
.-= Krystyn´s last blog ..It’s sprinkler time-Wordful and Pictureful Wednesday =-.
As someone who considers herself a helicopter-esque parent, I only parent other people’s children when they are directly interfering with my own (hitting, being rude). Otherwise, I could care less. (but I have a GREAT evil eye when a parent’s kid is out of control)
And I would’ve thought that checking the door for safety before letting your 18 month old use it IS helicopter-y ;) Because once I know an area was safe, I would totally let my children run around without me up in their business. So maybe it’s just semantics… and we are more alike in our parenting then the definitions would lead us to believe :)
.-= Alex´s last blog ..If You Have A Barney Tattoo, Don’t Despair. He’s About To Go Cool =-.
I hate it when parents overstep their bounds with other parents kids. The only time that is necessary is if the child is in serious danger. Of if your child is putting my child in danger, then I’ll step in. But just let kids be kids, learn, make mistakes, fall down. That’s what kids do. It’s how the learn.
.-= Allison´s last blog ..What Better Way to Bond… =-.
I may or may not be a helicopter parent(some days I am probably worse than others). But I most certainly get completely annoyed when others try to parent my kids. It is always the extra helpful associate at Walmart reminding my child in their most goo-goo gaa-gaa voice that they should not run in the aisles or stand on the side of the cart. I want to shout at the top of my lungs. I am right here! It is okay with me they are not harming others and they are most certainly not touching you or your stuff. If you have a problem speak to me directly NOT my kids! Honestly! Oh sorry I got a little fired up just there haha!
.-= Brandie´s last blog ..Wordful Wednesday =-.
I get pretty ticked off when people try to do stuff like that too, with my kids. But then I’ve probably done it a few times myself (with other people’s kids) not really even realizing it. That being said, I don’t think I’ve ever given dirty looks to a parent, like I was feeling that they were a bad parent, I think I was just trying to help the child. Does that make sense?
I certainly don’t consider myself a “helicopter parent” for my children or anyone else’s. Just maybe a like a bee that buzzes in and out… ;-)
.-= Elaine´s last blog ..Stars in Their Eyes =-.
That really is odd. Both disturbing and frustrating. I like the submarine parent term!!
Wow…somebody actually argued with you? That’s just crazy.
We just get funny looks and people parenting our kids. Wouldn’t want they to try anything new, would we? I want them to ask for help if they need it, instead of me “helping” when they don’t!
.-= Krystyn´s last blog ..It’s sprinkler time-Wordful and Pictureful Wednesday =-.
Helicoptering makes me a little nuts, and I get irritated when people try to do it to my kids. I had a lady at the park not only stop my child and direct him over to me because he had the nerve to go down a slide, but then argue with me when I told her I was okay with it. She got very aggressive, and it was just odd.
I heard my parenting style once described as submarine parenting. I’m there, I’m watching, but I’ll only come up if I’m really needed. I like my kids to learn to be independent and confident in their own ability.
.-= Charlotte´s last blog ..At least someone loves my parents enough to visit. =-.