One of the hardest things about making the transition from dedicated-stay-at-home mom of young children to a work-at-home mom of older kids was finding a balance between getting my work done and giving my kids (and my house) the attention that they deserve. It is a constant concern for me, and one of those issues that will probably require constant maintenance. Whether it’s work or laundry or dinner to cook, there always seems to be something pressing for me to get done. As a mother, there will always be a choice – do I work on a task or tune into my children? Sometimes it’s hard to judge between two good things. Getting work done and spending time with my kids are both valuable (and even necessary) items on my plate. How do I find that balance?
(This is us enjoying some not-so-rare craaazy quality time together, inspired by Fishful Thinking)
Last week, as one of the Faculty Moms with the Fishful Thinking Positive Parenting program, I had the opportunity to participate in a webinar with Dr. Karen Reivich and fellow faculty moms. Below are a few of the key quotes from the webinar discussion between Dr. Reivich and a handful of faculty moms.
Sound-bites from the Fishful Thinking Webinar:
- Intentionally schedule time to connect with your family.
- Stop trying to engage your kids when you’re most tired! Diary your activity to see when it makes sense to have connections.
- Be willing to have things take a little long [with kids] but like $ in the bank in time with them.
- Allow yourself to just be [with your kids]. Give in!
- If we are carving out times of family intimacy, that trumps the “less lovely” moments.
- The sooner we get involved in an advocacy role with our kids issues, the better. Make sure kids have space to talk.
- Make time to be present with your children..no matter what fits your family, it is what works for you
- It may sound off to actually PLAN moments of connection with our kids, but it’s important!!
- Connection is vital. Gentle touch helps children develop a deep sense of who their parents are from the very beginning.
- Making sure our children know that there are adults who will keep them safe is critical.
- The sooner we get involved in an advocacy role with our kids issues, the better. Make sure kids have space to talk.
- Establish the kid’s roots (feelings of safe and secure) and THEN establish the branches….they’ll be more willing to branch out with strong roots.
- Kids who have strong attachments with the adults in their lives THRIVE.
How do YOU make sure that you are present for your children?
Dr. Reivich also shared a few presence activities that families can do together that I thought I’d pass along. For additional activities (or for different age groups) check out the Resilience activity section on FishfulThinking.com.
Presence Activities
Family Flow Activity:
- Set goal to have 20 minutes with your child without distractions (phones, computer, television, etc.) Make sure you are in a physical space that limits distractions (kitchens are not a good spot, bedrooms are better).
- Ask your child to pick an activity that he or she enjoys and finds challenging (Sudoku, brain teasers, playing music, etc.)
- Every time you find yourself distracted by your thoughts, remind yourself that this time is a gift to your child and refocus on him or her.
“In the Tent” activity (good for young children):
- Make a tent with your child out of blankets, or sit under the dining room table.
- Post a sign on the outside of the tent/table that says “Don’t disturb until XX:XX (fill in time). The sign helps your child to know that you are all hers for this period of time.
- Climb inside/under with books, puzzles, crayons, paper, dolls, action figures – whatever your child most enjoys.
- Every time you find yourself distracted by your thoughts, remind yourself that this time is a gift to your child and refocus on him or her.
For additional Fishful Thinking experiences, check out the Fishful Thinking category right here, read Dr. Reivich’s current newsletter, Strengths in Action, or “Like” Fishful Thinking on Facebook.
Note: As a Faculty Mom with the Pepperidge Farm Fishful Thinking program, I do receive compensation for my time, but the the opinions expressed and the thoughts shared are my own. I have been doing the Fishful Thinking activities with my kids for the last few years and we love them!
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I’m just starting to work from home and I’m just in that rather uncomfortable stage of trying to figure out just how to do that without alienating my family too. It’s a tough transition for sure.
It is a hard task to balance home and business. You have to just make yourself stop and spend time with family or you get to distracted with work.
Being present is something I struggle with. I have gotten better over the years, the kids have actually made me more present I make myself stop and just be with them. It seems to go against the grain for me, to stop & be. But it’s worth it in so many ways.
Great post. I need to stop and smell the roses. I find that nights where I don’t log off at the moment my youngest gets off the bus are the worst. My attempt to get just one more bit of work done results in mayhem and madness from the kids. When I log off to supervise homework/make dinner, I have a little more in reserve when I log back on when kids are in bed.