I was never what you’d call a great athlete. I was a star at ballet, but that was pretty much it. I stunk at soccer, basketball, volleyball (ouch!), and every other game they made us play at P.E. and recess when I was a kid.
And forget Winter sports. I tried skiing several times and completely failed. My knees were not made for it. My best friend in elementary school tried to get me to love ice skating. But I didn’t. I love watching the Olympics, but I had to accept the fact many years ago that I was not cut out to be a star athlete.
Then I got an idea. Why not make my own Olympic events that I am good at? Looking at the Proctor and Gamble line of products (and an impressive line up it is!) I was inspired to introduce the first Mommy Olympics. I am GOOD at Mommy stuff. Couples figure skating? I don’t think CandyMan would go for that. Cross-country skiing? Nope. Not even snowboarding or ice hockey or curling (though I might be able to compete at hair curling, if that was an event).
Here’s my list of Mommy Olympics events, inspired my P&G products. Which events would you compete in?
* Nail Polishing: This is a speed and precision event. Disqualifications for polish on skin or smudges on the nails. Even is over when all ten toe nails and all ten finger nails are set and dry. If the participating child decides that she no longer likes the chosen color, athlete must start over again.
* Running (Up and Down Stairs without Breaking a Sweat): To compete in this event, the athlete must be carrying a laundry basket full of dirty clothes and a crying toddler on the hip. While talking on the phone. Winner is determined by the amount of sweat that is collected by a very scientific instrument. Extra points for good smell.
* Wrestling Brushing Toddlers’ Teeth: Each tooth must be brushed equally while holding screaming and wiggling toddler still. Artistic points given for songs sung, and technical points for a willingly opened mouth.
* Kitchen Floor-Cleaning: The judging for this sport is highly technical. You’ve heard of the white-glove inspection? This event is judged by the “White Legging Inspection.” Crawling babies are set loose on the cleaned floors, and leggings must remain completely white for athlete to advance to the next round.
* De-stinking Husband’s Smelly Shoes: Not for the weak-stomached. This is an event only for the toughest of athletes. Judged not only on the smell (or, more appropriately, the lack of smell), shoes are also judged on appearance (polished, laces properly laced and tied, tongue straight, etc).
* (and my favorite event) Diapering a Baby: The grand-mother of all the Mommy Olympic events. Diapering. Probably the most challenging event, and certainly the event with the most honor attached to the winner. Not only are athletes required to change a baby’s diaper, but they must keep the wriggling baby on a limited space (points deducted for baby going out of limits). Points awarded for speed, wiping proficiency, securing of tabs, and after-smell. They’re considering bringing back the cloth diaper event soon.
* This post was sponsored by Procter & Gamble, to highlight their support of the athletes and families that participated in the 2010 Winter Olympics. And now a word from P&G:
This widget is meant to be interactive. So go ahead and click. Comment. Thumbs up or down. And then go be an Olympic Mom.
© 2010 – 2012, Food Fun Family. All rights reserved.
The same to you! I’m having so much fun on twitter and on blogs. I really should spend less time on the computer…
Awesome! The tooth brushing ordeal really is easier with a partner (“You hold his hands down, and I’ll brush really fast!”)
HEY!
I was excited to see your name on the list because I’m already a twitter follower, and I occasionally peruse by here anyway. Happy partying!!!
Consider me your partner in the teeth brushing and floor cleaning events!!!! Great post girl!
.-= Misty´s last blog ..Hello……JELL-O!!!!! =-.
Why didn’t I think of the bathing event? That is an Olympic sport for sure! Wet, slippery, uncooperative kids are tricky to handle!
Hahaha…That is awesome.
I think there should be one called, “Bathing 3 boys. none of them wanting to bath, one of them crying, the other one bawling, the last one screaming.” The goal is to get them all cleaned and smiling the fastest. Boy, would I be a competitor in that event! Bring it on!!!
.-= Stef´s last blog ..The things we do for LOVE =-.
You are so funny! I don’t even have a good comeback for that. ;)
Isn’t it SO true! It’s amazing all the things we can do at the same time (and with children along, too!)
I suck at nail polishing. When I do my toes I just put it all over the ends of the things, hoping the nail get covered too. Running up/down stairs? Not for me either. Too uncoordinated. Ask my shins. Brushing toddler teeth is optional right? I mean, do you have to brush teeth that still have a ton of space between them? I really don’t see why that’s a necessity. Just give ’em a glass of water, works the same I think. Cleaning kitchen floors is for the household pets so think that event should be moved to Animal Olympics. And, diapering? I was so horrible at that I went ahead and trained the kid on his 2nd birthday. Looks like I’m not gonna make much of a mom-lympian am I?
.-= parenting BY dummies´s last blog ..So NOT Dumb Saturday =-.
HEY LOL MOmmy Olympics I’d win them all. As a mom of 4 I can change clothes. wash faces, diaper all while talking on the phone and cooking dinner and doing a load of laundry. Forgot to add while barking out orders to hubby and the other kids. WE certainly can do it all!!
.-= Night owl mama´s last blog ..WW: Mini Motorcyle Baby =-.
I love P&G products and they have the BEST coupons too. The coupons paired with sales at Target are some of the best deals ever!!
.-= Brandie´s last blog ..Ultimate Blog Party 2010 =-.
1st I want to say my shoes don’t stink. LOL. If you don’t believe me you can ask Melinda :-) I would be good a cycling since I ride about 2000 miles a summer but I would also be good at running. I always run up the stairs with the laundery minus the toddler since my kids are to big to be carrying up the steps.
Have a great weekend!
OMG. You completely made me laugh through this entire thing! Thank you so much. *Smile*
.-= Gilliauna´s last blog ..Baby Booties for Cuties and Much More! =-.
Ohhhhhh! I’d have to say that I’m not good at YOUR Olympic events either! I’m good at marathon driving kids to school, doctor appointments, basketball practice, friend’s houses, library and local indoor swimming pool. All the while, I can eat lunch and dinner in the car, use the phone and listen to a talking book on CD in my car CD player. Unfortunately, there are no events for that. I think the athletes would wear out too soon!
LIndsey Petersen
.-= Lindsey Petersen´s last blog ..The Easter Bunny Goes Pee… =-.
You just reminded me I didn’t mop the kitchen floor today and it needs it. Off to grab the Swiffer WetJet.
.-= Barbara´s last blog ..Ultimate Blog Party 2010 =-.
Yeah, I think that you have had more experience with changing diapers but when I comes to changing multiple kids are once, I got you beat. ;)
.-= Jen´s last blog ..Fear =-.
I don’t know, Jen. I’m still one up on you, though I did get to do them one at a time. Plus, I admit I might be just a little out of practice…
It’s a happy day when children can finally brush their teeth on their own, isn’t it?
Yay! So happy to have you as my newest follower. :)
Oh, I would so crush people in the diapering events. I have had a TON a practice. ;)
.-= Jen´s last blog ..Fear =-.
I so agree about the teeth brushing as an event and running up and down the stairs are all good one.
I can not believe I was not following your blog. But i am now!! I do so love your tweets.
.-= Surviving Little People´s last blog ..Trouble keeping your pants on? =-.