I remember, as a teenager, recognizing something about myself. Although I had always considered myself shy, I felt very comfortable and confident around two groups of people: the very old and the very young.
In college, I again recognized my strengths (and my weaknesses) and decided to major in Early Childhood Education. I have always had a special touch with little kids. I feel comfortable around them and they feel comfortable around me.
As a young mother, I felt like a natural. That’s not to say that I felt like everything was easy. Hardly. I was tired, starved for adult interaction, and often frustrated that my cleaning efforts seemed to be destroyed within minutes. Young kids are hard work, and EVERYTHING was new.
As much as I have always loved my kids and my role as a mom, by the time my oldest daughter was ready for half-day kindergarten, I was ready for some space. I had three kids 5 and under. Every time I walked out of the house, I inevitably heard the words, “Wow, you’ve got your hands full!” And I did. My hands were always full, and they continued to get more and more full as the next few years passed. By the time I was 30, I was the mother of 5 kids 8 and under. My arms were always full, my lap was always occupied, and I thought my job was so hard.
I recall dreaming of the day when my kids would go to school. I imagined all of the things I would accomplish with all the FREE TIME I had, without having my arms full of kids and diaper bags and sippy cups.
I have always craved personal space. I thrive when things are quiet and when I’m alone. Little kids took a lot out of me physically, but at the end of the day I was willing to give up a few things – like my desire for personal space and peace – because I knew what I was doing was worth it.
And I knew I was doing a good job.
So what if the house wasn’t perfectly clean? I spent time on the floor building LEGOS with my 4 year old son. I played Barbie make-believe with my 6 year old daughter (pure torture, if I’ve ever experienced it). I got up at all hours of the night to feed and rock and cuddle my baby.
And then my LEGO-building, Barbie-playing, cuddly little ones started to grow up. It happened so fast.
When my fourth child left for kindergarten and it was just me and my youngest at home together from 8:30 til 3:00, I started blogging. I also started hanging out with the young mothers at church, even though I was a decade older than most of them. They needed the adult interaction and the break out of the house. I needed to figure out what to do with myself now that my hands weren’t quite so full.
And then AJ started school, too. My blog grew up just like the kids did, and instead of being a time-passing hobby, it became a full time job. That extra time to scrapbook and crochet and read books on the couch under a warm blanket while the dinner was heating up in the crock pot? I never found it. I filled that “extra” time with something almost as time consuming as being a mother of 5 little ones.
All the while, the kids kept getting bigger.
Their bodies weren’t the only things getting bigger all this time. While they were growing out of shoes every few months, their problems – and my problems – were growing as well. I traded juggling sippy cups and squirmy toddlers for juggling homework and hormones. Instead of being tied down to the house because of nap schedules, I found myself as the perpetual carpooler – spending my time carting kids back and forth to school and and practices and events and jobs. Rather than feeling like my brain was going to explode if I listened to another minute of a baby crying, I had to exert the utmost patience while listening to a pre-teen monologue regarding little details about the latest video game.
Now that my kids are older – with the oldest heading off to college this year and the youngest now one of the older half in elementary school – I look back on their baby and toddler days as the easy years. Parenting older kids is so much harder. Big kids are less physically demanding than little ones but they make up for that in the emotional department. From teaching them to make good choices when they are out among their peers to making sure they know everything they need to know to be successful adults…to teaching them how to drive a car. The pressure is intense.
But just like most things that take a lot of effort, parenting older kids is more rewarding than I could have imagined. Watching them make responsible decisions…watching them learn and grow and thrive… Yes, the problems may get bigger, but so does the love and the pride and joy in motherhood.
Would I want to go back? No. I can’t wait to be a grandma and enjoy the best parts of the baby years. My kids have grown up, and so have I. My head is more full of all of the things I have to do…but my heart is more full because of the things that my kids have done. The pride that a mother feels when her baby takes her first steps has NOTHING on the pride a mom feels when that same little girl receives her first college acceptance letter.
Yes, parenting gets harder as kids get older. It’s harder but it is worth it.
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Thanks for your eloquent thoughts on parenting! My oldest is starting to move into the emotional side, and I feel the change-up. You have a great perspective!
Lolli,
I have two daughters a little over a year apart. One just started college and the other is now a senior in high school. Where did the time go? There were so many challenges along the way but it’s very rewarding when they get to be this age and leaving home for the first time and realize why you were so hard on them about certain things. My oldest even called me clear out of the blue just to thank me for all i did for her. She also commented on how some of her classmates didn’t have the discipline that she was taught and she thanked me for that too. Yes you are right, it may get tough at times, but it is very rewarding. Thank you for your post, I really did enjoy reading it.
My kids’ preschool teacher told me the same thing as I struggled with a screaming toddler, a crying infant and a stomping preschooler one day. . . .now I’m finally starting to believe her! Her mantra was always, “Bigger kids, bigger problems.”
I only have one but I know what you mean…Angeline has two years until she’s off to college and I’m freaking out! I used to think I would be so excited to have my freedom after she went off to college but I’m actually dreading it.
I totally agree with you. I have two daughters….one is a sophomore in college studying to be a trauma nurse and the other is a junior in high school. I homeschooled them both all their academic days until college. It is a joy to see them grow up and make their own decisions, however, it is really hard when they make choices that you know aren’t the best. College years seem like they would be easier, but take it from this mom and others (we talked about this very subject last night at Bunco), it is even harder. Now, we mothers have to sit back and just offer wisdom and advice. Ultimately, it is their decision to take it or not. A mother is never done caring for her kids no matter how old they are.
Wow, it was as if I wrote this post myself, minus the fact my oldest is a boy and only a junior but he’s already sending out for those scholarships and my heart just bursts with excitement and sadness. I am so happy and proud of him and even myself because I know I have raised him right. I’m the mother of 5 children, the youngest is 9 months old and recently I started hanging out with those a decade younger than myself. My oldest even pointed it out but as I told him, I need adult interaction and they do too. I get that side of life, I didn’t then but I do now. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and wisdom, I know while it is sad moments they are also very treasured and cherished and worth every bit of wonderful we ever went through.
Yep. Being a mom isn’t easy but it is so rewarding. :)
Emily, you are so right! The more you learn, the harder the new lessons are because you can handle them. Thanks for the compliment on the kids. :) I’m pretty proud!
He’ll 17 before you know it. Now THOSE are some fun conversations! :)
Yes, it goes by SO fast! I really love your point, though – we need to enjoy every minute, even the hard ones.
As much as I love babies, I feel like I’m too old now to deal with the physical nature of the baby years. lol
I have three children, the oldest 8 and youngest 2. I would love another! I love the baby years. Even though they are tough, I love having someone be completely dependant on me. As my children grow, I miss that dependance.
I’m trying to enjoy every minute of parenting, yes, even the bad times. It goes by fast, as I’m quickly realizing. I enjoyed reading your post.
My little one is still only 2. He’s become quite a handful! But I certainly love that I can actually have conversations with him now :)
Your children are beautiful and so is this post! I remember thinking being a mom to a baby was so hard! then when my second came a long I thought, man – these are the easy times it’s the older they get the harder it is. Parenting like schooling is learned the more you do it, and the more you do it, the harder it gets bc each age seems to add on. Thank you for sharing !
My oldest is 8 now and I agree, there are times where it is harder, but it is so incredibly rewarding!